To keep or not to keep? (part 2)

September 2005 Sorry to keep the suspense, now let me continue. The only reason I could think of at that time to keep the baby was my age. I was not too young, mid-20s, I would say, just nice to have a baby. My baby would be that same age when I turn 50, so kinda can 'escape' earlier, maybe even become a grandparent if I'm lucky. Also, if I want to have more children then I could do it before I turn 35 (hopefully) with the age of the children spaced more widely apart. Most people say it's easier to have the children's age closer, so that they will have 'friends' and easier for the mum (and dad) to go through the hardships of childbearing (and childcaring) at the same time. But I'd still prefer it my way, financial reasons, for my husband's sake. It's already hard for him now to support all of us. Although, no one could tell the future. I do hope that the history of this little 'accident' won't repeat itself. I'd like the next one to be a planned one. Back to the topic, I got an advice from a nice lady (it's too difficult to explain our relationship) who paid me a visit. She didn't know that she was giving me advice, she thought that she was just telling me her life story. To make her long story short, I'll just mention the parts that made me decide what I did. She has a son, about 18 years old that time and a daughter about 9 years old. Any curious person would ask about the big gap. She said that actually she just planned to have one child. She wanted to work and didn't want to be tied down. She didn't want to have another child also because of financial reasons. After many years she saw her son was lonely and then she realised all her reasons for not having another child was really selfish. And then it hit me. That word, 'selfish'. I made my mind up that instant. Before her visit I was still unsure. I was weighing more towards keeping the baby although there weren't many reasons to support it. But not keeping the baby is a really big decision and I'd know that I'll regret it sometime in the future. It's throwing a life away, a life that's part me, part my husband. That's why I feel so blessed by her visit, it made me certain that keeping the baby is the decision I should make. No more being selfish. It's amazing how much power that one word has.